If you and your partner have hit a rough spot in your sex life and you aren’t getting the thrill that you used to get from your sexual relations, you have nothing to worry about. It’s something that is perfectly normal and happens to most long-term couples.
What’s abnormal is for people to have passionate, climactic sex for many years or even decades into their relationship. That’s not something that usually happens, despite what movies, TV, and popular culture would have you believe
Mating for Life
Most people’s sex lives don’t measure up to the idealized version they see in popular culture, or even that they imagine other people they know are enjoying. The reality is that once the initial desire of a new relationship wears off, most people tend to settle into infrequent sex – no more than once a week or as little as once a month or less.
Intimacy, trust and being satisfied with your relationship is more important in the long run than having a toe-curling orgasm every time. And while it’s perfectly natural to want more sex or to desire more out of your intimate relationship, it’s something every couple has to work out for themselves.
Talk Isn’t Cheap
Everybody is unique. And that includes two people who are together in a relationship. Some people like more foreplay before sex while their partner may want to go at it hot and heavy and get it done with as quickly as possible.
You may have met your soulmate, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are always going to be 100% compatible. Even the same person can like or want different things at different times. That’s why it’s so important that couples keep open lines of communication and talk to each other about their sexual desires.
Talk to your partner about sex outside of the bedroom. Have a candid discussion about how you feel and listen to how your partner feels. It may not make you feel comfortable, but it could lead to the breakthrough you’ve been waiting for.
Plan for Sex
Sometimes it’s helpful to have a regular schedule for sex. Set aside one or two nights per week for intimate times with your partner. It can be a weeknight, a weekend, or both. Talk to your partner about how much you are looking forward to spending some special time with them to build excitement and enthusiasm.
Once you both get into the habit of having sex regularly, you can introduce new and exciting things into your sex life, such a sexy sleepwear, new sex positions, and even toys.
Work on Your Sex Life
If you’re having bad sex – or no sex – with your partner, don’t just give up. Odds are they are just as confused and worried about your love life as you are. The last thing you want to do is to drive them into the arms of another person, or abandon your relationship altogether.
In most cases, a dry spell in the love life department can be overcome with patience, communication, and persistence. Talk to your partner and let them know how you feel. Be emotionally honest and open: If you can’t trust your life mate, who can you trust?
Try a Change of Scenery
Sex is one of the most sensory – as well as sensual – experiences people can have. So the look and feel of where you have sex is often just as important as the sexual act itself.
If you are struggling to maintain a healthy sex life, what you might need is simply a change of scenery. Try checking into a motel or having sex somewhere other than your bedroom for a change of place. You might be surprised by how thrilled you or your partner is by having sex someplace risky, such as in the car or in a public place like a darkened theater.
Add Some Spice to Your After Hours Life
There are lots of things couples can do to reinvigorate their love life. Some couples just need a little stimuli to get their motors running. Try putting on some pornography that is aimed at couples to set the mood. Or stop by your local sex shop and pick up a few toys that can change the tone of your intimate moments.
Go online and look up some new sex positions or techniques you can use to liven up your intimate encounters. Try talking dirty to your partner or encouraging them to talk dirty to you while you get in the mood for sex.
Sex isn’t something that you should take for granted. Like anything else worthwhile, it takes time and effort in order to make it work for most couples. But if you are willing to commit to your relationship and to your partner, and you can keep an open mind, usually you can overcome any dry spell and return to a healthy, loving sex life with your partner.
Image courtesy of photostock/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
About the Author – John Sanders, the contributor of this guest article writes in support of The Cabin Singapore specialist in treating sex addiction in Singapore.